i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
