pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
