I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
