i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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