Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
