He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
