Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
