Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
