So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
