My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
