I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
