Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
