just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
