It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
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