So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
