Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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