We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
