Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I did not marry a roomba.
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