Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
