yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well I just put wine in my tea
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
