that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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