well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
