I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize