Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
