508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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