Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
