And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
