You really coming over, don't trick.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
