I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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