Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
