Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize