Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im holly from the hills drunk
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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