just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they're like a gay fantastic four
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
