i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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