i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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