I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
