her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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