can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
