i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
