I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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