There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize