There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
