I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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