'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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