guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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