I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
