I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
