I feel like abortions should bother me more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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