i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize