Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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