How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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