So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
