Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
