did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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