Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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