hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
