it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
