never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
