she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
