I wanna bring you to show and tell
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize