take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
