I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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