In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
