Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
