when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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