I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
