I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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