My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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