I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
