i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
