its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
