it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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