i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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