You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Randomize
