Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
