I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
