You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
