just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
