you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize