just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
