I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
