This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I want to be your penis for a week.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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