There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
