Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize