You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
