Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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