the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
