At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
