if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
