We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
