We should be called the Road Head Warriors
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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