you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
