I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
