Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize