Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
