i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
