if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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