DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Randomize
