Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
