he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
