He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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