so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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