is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
