I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
