I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
