im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
