Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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